of past, of present

cleared off a lot of old files from my hard disk storage partition. spared me about another 2GB of space.

it reminded me of how much junk we can accumulate over time. well... they are not exactly junk. those files are mostly from the office where i once worked. looking back i realized how much time and energy i've put into these things, these works of mine. i tried so hard to play my role, trying to make the world a better place in the little ways i can. did they make a difference? i hope...

all seemed to eventually ate me up. so much of my life was given away, with full sincerity, with just hope, that it will make life better for someone else out there. why? i'm miserable, i'm in pain. i wish not others in my shoes and will do my best to prevent it. little care i had for myself. let me be worn out. let me be used up. sooner the better. after all, these are the only reasons i stayed. see, how little love, if none i've for myself.

let it all be done. just let me go. let me go home. i'm tired. Father...